Anger and Swearing - An Orthodox Response

Dear....,

I was delighted to hear your comments yesterday when I heard you speak very thoughtfully as you described your struggle with anger and swearing. This awareness is at the heart of Orthodoxy. It reflects a living spirit of repentance. 

In Orthodoxy, we do not begin with self-justification but with honesty before God. We re all sinners. We have inherited this brokenness from the Fall. Most are blind to their weakness and give themselves over to cultural norms rather than to the transforming teaching of Christ. Your awareness reflects that you are already on the right path.

Anger and swearing are passions—not merely bad habits, but disordered energies of the soul.
Anger is the incensive power meant to resist evil, turned inward or misdirected.
Swearing is anger escaping through speech, revealing inner unrest.

Now that you recognize this passion at work in your soul, the task before you is to begin learning how to heal it—especially as you continue your journey toward Orthodoxy, where you will eventually benefit fully from the sacramental life of the Church. 

Let me offer a few suggestions for you as you strive to become Orthodox when you will be able to benefit from the sacramental life.
Swearing: This can be one of the easier habits to address first. The key is replacement. When you feel the urge to swear, substitute another response—such as quietly saying, “Lord, have mercy.” It will feel forced at first, but over time it becomes natural. Another powerful option is silence. You may have noticed that icons of the saints often depict them with small mouths—this reflects restraint of speech and inner stillness.

Anger: Anger is often connected to swearing, but it usually runs deeper. You will need to explore what triggers it and what lies beneath it. Sometimes this requires looking back at earlier wounds—family dynamics, unresolved pain, or patterns learned in childhood. Forgiveness is essential. A pure heart cannot be formed without reconciliation, especially toward parents or siblings where wounds often begin.

When anger arises, ask quietly: “What am I protecting right now?” Often the answer reveals pride, fear, or wounded love.

This struggle requires prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit. Have you been able to establish a daily prayer rule and remain faithful to it? This is a foundational spiritual practice. In prayer, ask Christ fervently to heal this tendency—not merely to suppress it, but to transform your heart. 

Fasting is also important. Have you begun practicing the Wednesday and Friday fasts, at least by abstaining from meat? If possible, you might gradually make this more strict by also avoiding dairy. The Fathers teach clearly that bodily restraint softens the soul and weakens anger.

Some simple things that can help in the moment: Stop speaking when it arises. Lower your eyes, and this can break the momentum of the passion. Say the Jesus prayer quietly or take a short walk reciting this prayer.

Finally, expect healing, not perfection. Orthodoxy does not promise instant victory over the passions. This can be a lifelong effort. Real progress often looks like fewer outbursts, quicker repentance, softer reactions, and deeper humility.
Be encouraged. Awareness itself is already the beginning of healing.

Here are two psalms you can use for prayer.

Psalm 38/39
1 For the End, for Jeduthun; an ode by David.*
2 I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I set a guard on my mouth
When the sinner stood against me.”
3 I was deadened and humbled; and I kept silent, even from good;
And my grief was stirred anew.
4 My heart was hot within me,
And in my meditation, fire will be kindled.
I spoke with my tongue,
5 “O Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
So as to know what I lack.
6 Behold, You made my days as a handbreadth,
And my existence is as nothing before You;
But all things are vanity, and every man living. (Pause)
7 “Nevertheless man walks about like a phantom;
Surely in vain they stir themselves up;
He stores up treasure, but does not know for whom he will gather it.
8 And now what is my patience?
Is it not the Lord?
And my support is from You.
9 Deliver me from all my transgressions;
You made me a reproach to the undiscerning.
10 I was dumb and opened not my mouth;
For You are He who made me.
11 Take away Your scourges from me;
Because of the strength of Your hand I fainted.
12 With rebukes You chasten a man for his transgression,
And You cause his soul to waste away like a spider web;
But every man stirs himself up in vain. (Pause)
13 “Hear my prayer, O Lord,
And give ear to my supplication;
Do not be silent at my tears,
For I am a sojourner before You,
And a stranger, as were all my fathers.
14 Do not forsake me, that I may revive
Before I depart and am no longer here.”

Another: 
(Psalm 140/141)
1 psalm by David.*
O Lord, I have cried to You; hear me; Give heed to the voice of my supplication when I cry to You.
2 Let my prayer be set forth before You as incense,
The lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
3 Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure about my lips.
4 Incline not my heart to evil words,
To make excuses in sins
With men who work lawlessness;
And I will not join with their choice ones.
5 The righteous man shall correct me
With mercy, and he shall reprove me;
But let not the oil of the sinner anoint my head,
For my prayer shall be intense in the presence of their pleasures.
6 Their judges are swallowed up by the rock;
They shall hear my words, for they are pleasant.
7 As a clod of ground is dashed to pieces on the earth,
So our bones were scattered beside the grave.
8 For my eyes, O Lord, O Lord, are toward You;
In You I hope; take not my soul away.
9 Keep me from the snares they set for me,
And from the stumbling blocks of those who work lawlessness.
10 Sinners shall fall into their own net;
I am alone, until I escape.

In Orthodoxy we overcome swearing and anger by healing the heart through prayer, fasting, silence, confession, and mercy.

Does God Get Angry?

“He will not be angry unto the end, neither will He be wrathful forever” (Psalm 103:9)

What would it mean if God never got angry with us? What does it imply if we never get angry with our children? Doesn’t this mean that there is no love? Don’t we feel a bit angry at time when those we love disappoint us in their behavior? Shouldn’t we be angry at evil? Surly there are time when  it’s necessary to rebuke or correct those we love.

Elder Aimilianos says in his commentary on this passage,

A God who never got angry would be a God without love; He would be like an unfeeling father who merely tolerates or ignores his children long enough until they’re grown up and gone.

But, we must remember that God is also merciful if we make and effort to correct our errant ways. He wants us to be perfected in His image and likeness. 

The Elder comments,

But even When God grows angry, He will not be angry unto the end. He will not make sinful man drink the cup of His wrath to the dregs. Instead He will deal with us with great delicacy and sensitivity. As soon as He sees even the smallest little improvement in the soul; the slightest turn in the direction of the light, His anger will immediately dissipate. God’s punishment is never commensurate with the crime; it is not measured out by the standards of an impersonal law, or by demands of abstract justice; it extends only so far as is needed for correction.

We must remember that whatever God let’s happen to us is for our good. 

He has not required us according to our transgressions, neither has He dealt with us according to our sins. (Psalm 103:10)

Elder Aimilianos writes,

Whatever God has done to us, or permitted to happen to us, was not according to the measure of out transgressions, but according to the measure of His love, and this is something that should fill us with joy.

Ref:  Psalms and the Life of Faith, by Elder Aimilianos of Simonopetra, pp282-283.

Ten Points for an Orthodox Way of Life

Don't Cause Offense Over What Does not Harm You

This message is particularly important in this political season where tempers fly even over political rhetoric.

Saint Theophylact writes,

We should not take offense to anyone over things that do not harm us.

He wrote this commenting on a lesson Jesus taught His disciples when someone came to Peter and craftily asked if Jesus had paid the temple tax. (Matthew 17:24-27)

Jesus answered Peter, Of whom do the kings of the earth take custom or tribute? Of their own sons, or of strangers? Peter answers, Of strangers. Jesus continues, Then indeed sons are free.

What He was saying was that as the son of God, the King, He should not have to pay the temple tax. 

But he continued saying that even though He shouldn't have to pay this tax, least He should offend them, He performs a miracle where the fish have coins in their mouth, and He tells Peter to use them and pay the tax. 

Even though He did not owe the tax He thought it more important to make allowance for their misunderstanding and to not cause any offense.

Our lesson from this event, according to Blessed Theophylact, is that we must not cause unnecessary offense when others ask us to do something that will not cause us harm, even though we may not agree with or like it. They may not even be asking us to do something but merely offering their idea or assessment of a situation. We don't have to answer in a way that will only raise tempers.

Think about all the times you have gotten angry, upsetting yourself, causing stress in yourself because of actions or words of others. How did that feel? Then think of the times when you responded and caused the same reaction in the body of someone else. How did that make them feel? Always keep in mind the well being of others. Don't be always insistent on your view or your way of doing things. Don't get upset when others do things differently than how you would do them. If you follow this advice, you will find a growing peace within and then you will find you are more able to interact in helpful ways where all grow in Christ.

We make ours and others lives stressful and difficult by insisting that everyone behave according to our expectations, our rules and resist going along with others when there is no harm to us.

Learning to love one another requires that we learn to be very careful about what we object to in what others ask of or say to us. If we are careful we can make this world one that is more peaceful with less stress. Remember how Jesus did not insist on His right not to be taxed, but chose instead to pay the tax so He would not create an issue.

Respond always with kindness and love with Christ ever in your mind.

Can Your Political Views Undermine your Spiritual Growth?

Do you find yourself arguing with the television set, being angered by Facebook political postings, or stupid comments from your friends?  Well consider the following two findings from social research.

1. "Americans cited "hearing about what the government or politicians are doing" as the most frequent daily stressor on their lives, and at a substantially higher rate than the usual annoyances like commuting, chores and general schedule-juggling." (survey conducted by Robert Wood Johnson Foundation in partnership with the Harvard School of Public Health and National Public Radio.)

2. "Partisanship “can even undermine our very basic reasoning skills…. [People] who are otherwise very good at math may totally flunk a problem that they would otherwise probably be able to solve, simply because giving the right answer goes against their political beliefs.”" (from Yale law school professor Dan Kahan’s research  paper is called “Motivated Numeracy and Enlightened Self-Government.”)

Apparently when we harbor fixed political beliefs we do not act rationally when we hear talk from others that goes against what we believe.  We will deny facts that are against our beliefs. The bottom line is that we are easily subject to unnecessary stress if we let ourselves engage in such political drama.

The answer is simple, avoid all forms of such dialogue and you will find you will have a more peaceful and loving life.  You will not be so angry, negative, or offensive to others. For most of us one simple action we can take is to not watch cable news.  These channels play to our fears and stroke our latent political beliefs. They pick stories that will arouse our worst instincts and therefore draw your loyal viewship so they can attract advertisers to sell you products and make more profits. They understand how our minds really work (or don't work) and use this knowledge to make greater profits.

What is the spiritual angle here? Spiritually, when we are aroused by anger and feel stress we are separated from God. The solution our Church Fathers tell us is to become watchful about what we let enter into our heart. Our sinful tendencies come from the thoughts that enter our minds and we choose to engage with them. Once we engage these thoughts we are led to some kind of action. The source of sin is thoughts.

The skill to stop such a chain of events is called watchfulness. This requires a well disciplined mind and God's grace which comes from regular prayer. Whenever we sincerely call on the name of Jesus we have the power to ignore thoughts and instead direct our attention to God and what He wills for us.

The challenge for a life lived according to God's will is developing a life of continual prayer so we will always have God on our mind. We need to be able to at any time stop and say, "Lord have mercy", or to recite the Lord's Prayer, "Our Father..."

Fr Dimitru Staniloae tells us: "Guarding thought... consists of a continual reciting of the name of God in the mind... nothing but a concentrated uninterrupted prayer..."
This is the meaning of Saint Paul's teaching on unceasing prayer.

Pray without ceasing...test all things; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. (1Thess 5:17, 21,22)  Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer... (Romans 12: 9,12)

I have found that the most powerful way to develop this discipline is by following the practices of the Orthodox Church, especially the practices of the Jesus Prayer and regular fasting.

Make a simple choice. Turn off all the political talk shows and news programs that stimulate your anger and stress about political affairs. Instead take this time to engage in prayer each and every day. Learn about the practice of the Jesus Prayer. Try it for three months, reciting "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner," over and over for twenty minutes each day. Begin to follow the prescribed fasts of the Church, including the Wednesday and Friday fasts, and read the daily Scripture readings that you can have sent to you via email from the Archdiocese Department of Internet Services.

If you do, you will find you will be on a path to spiritual renewal and you will begin to seek for a spiritual father for further guidance.

We are all free to hold whatever political views we choose. That is not the issue being addressed. God loves Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians and Independents. We are also free to have whatever religious views we chose. If we claim to be Orthodox Christians, we must be careful not to let our political beliefs override our rational thought process and undermine our peace of mind and heart. We must remain free of anger and stress so we are able to hear God's will and act with His love and our love for our neighbors. Watchfulness, prayer and fasting can help us develop the ideal of continual prayer that Saint Paul asks of us and bring us peace and love.

Regaining Peace When Emotional

At sometime during our emotionally and time filled day we will most likely experience a moment when we simply lose it.  Out of frustration we may yell out. Out of anger we may say something we wish we had not said. The key to maintaining peace is to recognize when our emotions have taken over the normal functioning of our mind and body.

Emotions work very quickly in our body. It's part of a system of self-defense that God has given us, but it needs to be controlled and reserved for those times when we really are in danger.  Dr Antonio Damasio (The Feeling of What Happens) studied how emotions work in the the body. He found that first there is some input from our senses that serves as a trigger. This may be verbal attack on our self-esteem, a put down. It may be a challenge to our given authority, or a desire that is suddenly blocked. It may be a reprimand by a coworker or authority figure. When this event occurs we can easily loose it. In less than a second the brain sends commands to the other regions of the brain and almost everywhere in the body proper.  In the bloodstream commands are sent in the form of chemical molecules that act on receptors in the cell of body tissues. In the neuron pathways commands take the form of electrochemical signals which act on other neurons or muscular fibers or organs which in turn can release chemicals of their own into the bloodstream.  The result is a instantaneous change in the whole state of our biological system. Our heart rate will increase and other physical changes will take place.  It is only after all this takes place that we become aware of a feeling. The implication of this is that when we do experience extreme feelings we need to be aware that our body has been changed and is prepared for a fight. To act with a mind of peace, we need to intervene quickly in a way that will bring our system back to normal.

Here is the best way to do this. As soon as you recognize this change in state, stop what you are doing. Immediately begin saying the Jesus prayer. Excuse yourself from any further interaction before you act in a way that may get you into trouble. Now is the time to take a prayer walk. A prayer walk is when you walk and say the Jesus Prayer. With each step say one word of the prayer. Your whole body becomes the prayer. If you can, leave the building for a few minutes, all the time saying the prayer. When outside walk in cadence with the words of the prayer. In minutes you will be brought back to a peaceful state and you will be able think rationally again. Now you can choose how to enter the situation you were in when this was triggered. You may choose to not reenter. But now you are no longer a physical state prepared for a fight. You can again act with a peaceful mind.

This prayer walk is a most powerful tool. But to use it you must first establish a peaceful mind based on the daily practice of the Jesus Prayer.  With this practice you will also become watchful of all negative thoughts entering into your heart. You will be more aware of your mental state. But there will still be times when the body's defense system takes over where you need to make an intervention to maintain your peacefulness and Christian attitude. With this ability to be watchful will come the ability to know when to intercede and take a prayer walk. 

Whatever your state of spiritual development you will find the Jesus Prayer walk a useful way to bring you back in touch with God when you have separated from him based on emotions. Try it. 

Marriage - nagging and spiritual growth

Marriage in the Orthodox Faith is one of the major paths for our salvation. In marriage couples can aid each other in their journey towards salvation. The other major path is celibacy found in the monastic life. Both are recognized as valid paths for salvation.


Saint Paul reminds of the following,

I...beseech you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love, being eager to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.(Eph 4:1-3) 

Be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Eph 5:1-2)

The reality is that today a majority of marriages fail. The divorce rate now approaches 50%. One common issue that leads to separating is what is known as nagging. Elizabeth Bernstein recently wrote about this "killer of marriages" in the Wall Street Journal (1/25/12). She points out that nagging is a problem more common than adultery.


What is nagging? It is the interaction between couples where one person repeatedly makes a request that the other repeatedly ignores so that both become increasingly annoyed. As I write this I am currently being nagged by my wife to fix the fountain on the porch and I have ignored her for several days. Like Elizabeth points out, nagging makes me feel like a little boy being scolded by my mother for not doing a chore. Why does she have to keep reminding of this little task when I will eventually fit it into my schedule? I don't really need a mother at my age. So how do we keep this behavior from becoming something that leads us to anger and a desire to separate? It becomes serious when the issue shifts from the object of the nagging to the nagging itself. Dr. Howard Markman of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver points out that couples who can resolve this problem will substantially improve their chances of having a long lived marriage.


This kind of interpersonal issue is exactly what the spiritual path calls us to resolve. What we are learning in such situations is how to love one another. These irritants, such as nagging, can help us grow stronger in our faith. They can be like the grain of sand in an oyster that leads to a beautiful pearl. As we learn to love one another in our disputes we also learn to love God. These marital spats can separate us from God and lead us away from salvation or they can lift us to overcome our self- centeredness, teaching us how to love, leading us along the path to our eventual union with our loving God.


Here is some secular advice about how to overcome nagging from the Bernstein article.
Calm down and recognize the pattern you are in and begin to talk about it as a problem that will have an impact not only on your marriage but on your spiritual life as well.
Recognize that both will need to make some changes in behavior.
Look at it from the other person's perspective. Use the tried and true "I messages." "Honey,when you ignore me I feel you do not love me."
Recognize that you are asking for something if you are the nagger . 
Change to using an "I message" instead of a "you message". Not "I want you to fix the fountain. You never do what I want." but "I would really like it if You could fix the fountain today. I know you are busy but this is something that means a lot to me."
Manage expectations. Make sure what you are asking for is realistic.
Set a time frame by asking your spouse when they could do the task.
Give a clear response to your partner if you are the naggee. Tell her if you can't do it right now and let her know when you can do it. If you cannot do what is being asked, give the reasons and discuss alternatives.


Resolving conflicts than result from nagging is important for marital health. Remember that love of neighbor (and who is a closer neighbor than your spouse) is the first work we must strive for to become a true disciple of Christ. In a marriage we must all bear each others burdens and when we condemn the other person we are only condemning ourselves.

"Unless you promptly strive for and achieve a loving peace between you, it is hopeless to bring tidiness and fairness to your dealings with one another. Humble yourself, not her. Love her, not yourself." (Russian Letters of Direction, Monk Makariĭ )

Regular time for daily prayer together is very important in developing a strong Christian marriage.
Saint Gregory Palamas writes,

Let no one think, my brother-Christians, that it is the duty of only priests and monks to pray without ceasing, and not of laymen. No, no! It is the duty of all us Christians to remain in prayer always.

Saint Nicholas of Zhicha writes,

Marriage is a great and wonderful mystery, one of the greatest mysteries of God's dispensation. A pure and honorable marriage, in the fear of God, is indeed a vessel of the Holy Spirit.

I am now off to fix the fountain.

Don't Go To Bed Angry

One thing my wife has taught me is the necessity to always settle an argument before you go to bed at night. When we live closely with another person and share everything we have as one, there will undoubtably come up arguments in which one person becomes incensed and angry. We found that if we committed ourselves to resolving this difference before we go to bed at night, even if it means staying up latter than normal, our next day begins in harmony and our differences do not accumulate.


Robert Taibbi, L.C.S.W. published an article on this in Psychology Today. He wrote:

The problem is our brains. When we get angry the reasonable parts of our brains—the prefrontal lobes in the front—shut down and the all the action moves the back where our reptilian brain takes over. We get the fight or flight response, we get tunnel vision. We want to make our point and get the other guy, damn it, to understand what we're saying.

And this can take a while depending on how worked up everyone gets. For men it's even harder—it can take them physiologically three times longer to cool than women....Calm yourself down, by taking a walk or by sitting in the bathroom and doing some deep breathing for awhile. When you're back into your prefrontal lobes, your blood pressure is down, and the tunnel vision has expanded, then sincerely try and solve the problem. The means listening and talking it through, not the quick I'm sorry, pseudo-hug in the kitchen, and sweeping it all under the rug.

For Orthodox Christians we can call on Jesus to help us in this situation. This is where the Jesus Prayer helps us in a very practical way. If we have practiced it regularly during our daily prayers, it will become a prayer that is always with us and one we will immediately grab whenever we face difficulty. It can become like an automatic response in times of stress. When we dare able to pray in the midst of a disagreement, our minds are brought into contact with God and we are quieted. If we become very angry we can take a time out and take a short walk saying, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me a sinner in cadence with our steps, a prayer walk. Once our mind has settled, then we can go back to resolve the issue at hand.


It is best if we can arrange for our daily prayers to be said together. In this way we will always work to reconcile ourselves before we enter into our shared daily prayer times.


Jesus tells us the following:

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:22-24 )

St. Paul advises: "Do not let the sun set on your anger, lest the devil gain a foot hold."(Eph 4:27)

More on Orthodox Prayer

 

Dealing with Anger with the Help of the Jesus Prayer

One of the common issues we all face is becoming upset due to the actions of another person.  Often this involves the one we most love. When we are upset and angry we say and do things we wish we had not done.  We are like Saint Paul who said,

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. ¹⁶ And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. ¹⁷ As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.¹⁸ For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. ¹⁹ For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. (Romans 7:15-19)

When we are angry we are separated from God. How do we as an Orthodox Christian avoid this kind of response which is definitely one taken out of self-interest and not our of love for the other person.


This is a situation where the Jesus Prayer can be most helpful.  Once we have practiced this prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner") by repeating for at least ten minutes each day, it becomes a prayer that is always in our mind and easily accessible when we become upset. When we are upset, we will have access to a way to reconnect with God by repeating this simple prayer.


Here is a simple way to eliminate the consequences of our disagreements with others:

1. Make a regular practice to pray the Jesus prayer each day for at least ten minutes as part of your daily prayer rule.

2.When you find yourself feeling upset, say the Jesus Prayer to yourself.  Move away from the situation.  Take a walk and repeat the prayer in cadence with your walk.  This will help you cool your emotions and grace will come to you to help you deal with the situation in a Christian way.  When you are calm, feel the love of God in your heart, ask the other person for a convenient time to talk.

3. When you have a chance to talk with the other person admit that what you want to say is difficult for you to say and admit that you may not hear or understand fully the other's viewpoint.

4. After saying the prayer to yourself, begin the conversation with an "I" statement. Say, "I felt hurt when you did...."  Do not begin with a "You" statement like, "When you do.... you make me upset." .  When you accuse the other person you will make them feel threatened and they will want to fight back.  There are always two sides in a disagreement.  Begin by admitting your part of the situation, acknowledging that both are a party to the disagreement.  Sharing your feelings sincerely will make it easier for the other person to share theirs.

4.  Ask the other person for their point of view.  Say something like this, " I know you do not intend to hurt me.  Why did you do ....? Help me to better understand."  Then you have to be calm to listen to the answer.  Always have the Jesus Prayer on your lips to keep you connected with God and His grace.

5.  Engage in a full and open discussion with love in your heart.  Explore how you can both change so future encounters do not end in the same way.  Seek for an agreement to act differently the next time this situation happens.  Say a prayer together.  A hug always helps show your sincere love for the other person.

More on the Jesus Prayer 

No Passion is too Small

There is no Passion that is too small. All must be controlled.
Saint Theophan says,

No matter how small or weak a passion appears, it is necessary to regard it as if it were the largest and most powerful.

How do we go about driving them out?  Saint Theophan tells us this is the proper use of our anger.


He says,

How can you drive them out? Through inducing wrath that is hostile to them, or by getting angry within yourself against it as quickly as possible.

A passion cannot be sustained without your inner support.  So when you rise up against it in a strong way it is destroyed and its strength vanishes.  The slightest sympathy towards it will sustain it.


Prophet David says in the Psalms,

Be angry, and sin not (Ps 4:5).  

In other words be angry at the passion and then you will not sin. As soon as you detect even the smallest passion, rise up against it with strength.  Realize that this is an attack on your relationship with God.  Its action separates you from Him. Use your anger in a constructive way to aid you in coming closer to God.


Reference: The Spiritual Life, pp 233-236

How To Act When Treated Unjustly

It is common to find ourselves in a situation where we feel we have been treated unjustly.  This can happen in many ways.  We may be falsely accused of making difficulty for someone else or simply not given credit for our good works.  When we have this feeling how are we supposed to respond as Christians?

Elder Paisios says,

When people treat us unjustly, we must be happy, because God’s justice, which is superior to human justice, will protect us.  We should either seek human justice, or patiently wait for the justice of God.  We must be careful however, not to pursue an unjust treatment, because this would be unfair on our part and would indicate lack of love towards other  people.

 It is for our benefit to hope for divine justice, when treated unfairly, and not react to the injustice done to us.  Not only we will profit from this, but later on our children will be benefited as well.  However, the opposite thing happens, when people curse us and the curse is just.

This is a tall order.  It is very difficult for most of us to remain happy when treated unjustly.  But is can become a signal for us to step back and reflect why we have been given this feeling.  Is it due to our unreasonable expectations, our arrogance, our lack of humility, or what?  To have the capability to pause at the moment of this feeling is essential so we do not counteract with unjust treatment.  

Love is always the basis for proper actions.  This requires that we have the opportunity to reflect before we act, so say a small prayer, make th esign of the Cross, and to figure out how to act out of love.

Source: Elder Paisios of the Holy Mountain, p 86

Combating Anger

A common malady we all face is anger.  What is the best way to eliminate this undesirable behavior?  Many follow the path of trying to avoid the situation that causes it or simply walk away when it arises.  While this may be useful, Elder Marcarius calls it a weak way to combat this evil tendency.  You will not eliminate anger by this course.


Consider the person who raises ager in you as someone being used by God to show you your greatest weakness, Elder Macarius tells us.  He says,

This rage slumbers in you at all times but is hidden until this person, the hand of God, reveals discloses it.  Combat this temptation through practicing humility, charity, courage.  It will take long to conquer; but pray for help and start now.

Anger was given to us to combat against sin, not to use against our neighbor.  It's improper usage is caused by pride.  Only humility and prayer will lead to mastering this weakness and directing this force the conquering of evil.


Reference: Russian Letters of Spiritual Direction, p78

A Prayer Walk

Controlling Anger
One of the common maladies we all face is anger.  It can be triggered in many ways, usually when someone opposes what we think should be done.  Of course we should try and eliminate the causes of anger, but we also need to be prepared to deal with it when we inevitably succumb to it.

Anger is an emotion, and science shows us that emotions are the result of a very fast and complex bodily reaction triggered by some external event.  When we sense a challenge to our being whether physically or egotistically, there is a chemical reaction that is sent though out our blood stream so the whole body reacts.  This happens very quickly.  And when it does its hard to overcome.  It's like a barking dog.  Once the dog starts barking it's hard to get him to stop.

Here is the way to deal with this situation where we become angry which almost aways leads to a sinful action.

1. Make the sing of the Cross saying," Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner."
2. Continue to recite this prayer.
If the anger recedes you can proceed rationally. But, frequently this is not enough. The chemicals have been released into your blood stream and the body is ready for a fight. Your heart bear increases and you feel agitated. This is the time for the prayer walk.
3. Excuse yourself and take a prayer walk. As you walk say the Jesus prayer and time it with your step: Lord - step, Jesus - step - Christ - step - Son - step - of - step - God - step - Have - step - Mercy........ and so forth. Kept on walking and saying the prayer until your body has returned to a calm and normal state. Do not return to the interaction that triggered the anger until you feel peace and love in your heart.

Now you can begin to reflect on the situation that triggered this event and rationally choose how to best respond to it in a way that is consistent with the Commandments of our Lord.

Of course you must first have the ability to intervene with this prayer.  This is why it is important to include the recitation of the Jesus prayer in your daily prayer rule, and establish well worn groves in your brain that make it a habitual response.

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A Word on Anger - Fr. George Calciu

Man today lives under such overwhelming pressure that his nerves are strained to the limit, and even the slightest provocation arouses in him the sin of anger.  Causes for anger could be the child who does not listen to us, or the husband or wife who contradicts us, or the driver who cuts us off with his car, or only seems to us to cut us off, giving a motive for us to be roused to anger.  Even if, through self-restraint, our anger is not outwardly expressed or is not heard by the one who provoked it, it is still a sin, because it harms our soul and our heart  It is an action against one’s own self, under the temptation of the devil to be angry.

The savior warns us in severe terms concerning anger that gives birth to verbal conflicts and the use of abusive words.

I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire (Matt 5:22).

...No one thinks evil without corrupting the heart in which God should dwell…

[….]

I counsel my penitents that before they express their anger, be it in speech or gestures, be it only mentally, to utter three or five times, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  And if they say the prayer quickly and inattentively under the oppression of anger, then they should concentrate with humility upon the word “sinner,” and their anger will abate.  Many of them have succeeded inn making their life, their family relationships, their relations with other people, and even their interior life change for the better.

All the conflicts in the world have their origin in unabated anger.  One is angry and wounds the other, who then responds with greater violence and strength. Once this chain is begun, it cannot be stopped except through the appeal of prayer––genuine prayer.

[...]

The Name of Jesus is sweet to utter.  It casts our the demons and brings the angels back into the heart, into the mind, and you will bear yourself in meekness before others.

Fr. George Calciu (1925-2006) a great Romanian Orthodox confessor and spiritual father.

Excerpts from article “A Word on Anger” in The Orthodox Word No.261

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