Anger and Swearing - An Orthodox Response

I was delighted to hear your comments yesterday when I heard you speak very thoughtfully as you described your struggle with anger and swearing. This awareness is at the heart of Orthodoxy. It reflects a living spirit of repentance. 

In Orthodoxy, we do not begin with self-justification but with honesty before God. We re all sinners. We have inherited this brokenness from the Fall. Most are blind to their weakness and give themselves over to cultural norms rather than to the transforming teaching of Christ. Your awareness reflects that you are already on the right path.

Anger and swearing are passions—not merely bad habits, but disordered energies of the soul.
Anger is the incensive power meant to resist evil, turned inward or misdirected.
Swearing is anger escaping through speech, revealing inner unrest.

Now that you recognize this passion at work in your soul, the task before you is to begin learning how to heal it—especially as you continue your journey toward Orthodoxy, where you will eventually benefit fully from the sacramental life of the Church. 

Let me offer a few suggestions for you as you strive to become Orthodox when you will be able to benefit from the sacramental life.
Swearing: This can be one of the easier habits to address first. The key is replacement. When you feel the urge to swear, substitute another response—such as quietly saying, “Lord, have mercy.” It will feel forced at first, but over time it becomes natural. Another powerful option is silence. You may have noticed that icons of the saints often depict them with small mouths—this reflects restraint of speech and inner stillness.

Anger: Anger is often connected to swearing, but it usually runs deeper. You will need to explore what triggers it and what lies beneath it. Sometimes this requires looking back at earlier wounds—family dynamics, unresolved pain, or patterns learned in childhood. Forgiveness is essential. A pure heart cannot be formed without reconciliation, especially toward parents or siblings where wounds often begin.

When anger arises, ask quietly: “What am I protecting right now?” Often the answer reveals pride, fear, or wounded love.

This struggle requires prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit. Have you been able to establish a daily prayer rule and remain faithful to it? This is a foundational spiritual practice. In prayer, ask Christ fervently to heal this tendency—not merely to suppress it, but to transform your heart. 

Fasting is also important. Have you begun practicing the Wednesday and Friday fasts, at least by abstaining from meat? If possible, you might gradually make this more strict by also avoiding dairy. The Fathers teach clearly that bodily restraint softens the soul and weakens anger.

Some simple things that can help in the moment: Stop speaking when it arises. Lower your eyes, and this can break the momentum of the passion. Say the Jesus prayer quietly or take a short walk reciting this prayer.

Finally, expect healing, not perfection. Orthodoxy does not promise instant victory over the passions. This can be a lifelong effort. Real progress often looks like fewer outbursts, quicker repentance, softer reactions, and deeper humility.
Be encouraged. Awareness itself is already the beginning of healing.

Here are two psalms you can use for prayer.

Psalm 38/39
1 For the End, for Jeduthun; an ode by David.*
2 I said, “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I set a guard on my mouth
When the sinner stood against me.”
3 I was deadened and humbled; and I kept silent, even from good;
And my grief was stirred anew.
4 My heart was hot within me,
And in my meditation, fire will be kindled.
I spoke with my tongue,
5 “O Lord, make me to know my end,
And what is the measure of my days,
So as to know what I lack.
6 Behold, You made my days as a handbreadth,
And my existence is as nothing before You;
But all things are vanity, and every man living. (Pause)
7 “Nevertheless man walks about like a phantom;
Surely in vain they stir themselves up;
He stores up treasure, but does not know for whom he will gather it.
8 And now what is my patience?
Is it not the Lord?
And my support is from You.
9 Deliver me from all my transgressions;
You made me a reproach to the undiscerning.
10 I was dumb and opened not my mouth;
For You are He who made me.
11 Take away Your scourges from me;
Because of the strength of Your hand I fainted.
12 With rebukes You chasten a man for his transgression,
And You cause his soul to waste away like a spider web;
But every man stirs himself up in vain. (Pause)
13 “Hear my prayer, O Lord,
And give ear to my supplication;
Do not be silent at my tears,
For I am a sojourner before You,
And a stranger, as were all my fathers.
14 Do not forsake me, that I may revive
Before I depart and am no longer here.”

Another: 
(Psalm 140/141)
1 psalm by David.*
O Lord, I have cried to You; hear me; Give heed to the voice of my supplication when I cry to You.
2 Let my prayer be set forth before You as incense,
The lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
3 Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth,
A door of enclosure about my lips.
4 Incline not my heart to evil words,
To make excuses in sins
With men who work lawlessness;
And I will not join with their choice ones.
5 The righteous man shall correct me
With mercy, and he shall reprove me;
But let not the oil of the sinner anoint my head,
For my prayer shall be intense in the presence of their pleasures.
6 Their judges are swallowed up by the rock;
They shall hear my words, for they are pleasant.
7 As a clod of ground is dashed to pieces on the earth,
So our bones were scattered beside the grave.
8 For my eyes, O Lord, O Lord, are toward You;
In You I hope; take not my soul away.
9 Keep me from the snares they set for me,
And from the stumbling blocks of those who work lawlessness.
10 Sinners shall fall into their own net;
I am alone, until I escape.

In Orthodoy we overcome swearing and anger by healing the heart through prayer, fasting, silence, confession, and mercy.