Raising Children with Christian Values

Will your children be prepared to deal as a Christian with the issues faced as teenagers and young adults? Saint Theophan the Recluse offers us guidance.

Preparing your children to deal with the challenges they'll face as teenagers and young adults, and helping them live an Orthodox Christian way of life, begins in infancy with the sacrament of Baptism. In baptism infants are joined with Christ, are given the seal of the Holy Spirit, are assigned a guardian angel, and become a full member of His Church. They receive the seed for a life in Christ. This is when the responsibility of the parents, along with godparents, begins for their child’s spiritual development. Children need guidance to form proper attitudes to deal with a future secular environment, to control their bodily passions, and to overcome a self-centered will. 

St Theophan says,

Therefore one must so conduct the developing powers of the soul and body so as not to give them over into captivity to enjoyments of the flesh, to curiosity, to self-will and self-centered pleasures—for this would be a sinful captivity—but on the contrary, one must train the child how to separate himself from them and master them, and thus as much as possible render them powerless and harmless.

As the needs of an infant’s body are aroused, a parent must bring them into proper bounds and encourage the development of proper habits.  Saint Theophan writes,

From the very first years one must begin to restrain the flesh which is inclined to crude materiality, training the child to become master of it, so that in adolescence and youth and later years, he might easily and freely be in control of this need.

To control bodily passions and desires, parents must establish age based rules for their children regarding the use of food. They need to help in developing a taste for healthy foods and the discipline to wait for assigned times to eat. Parents should not allow immediate satisfaction of food desires. Sleep needs to be similarly disciplined.

To avoid hyperactivity, inattentiveness, or laziness the body needs proper stimulation and stability. A child’s play should be scheduled and done in moderation so not to inflate self-will. They need to develop a controlled will with a purposeful attitude, as opposed to simply acting  based on sensual whims. If a child is allowed to enjoy himself with whatever and whenever he desires, he can become unwilling to obey even the smallest things. 

Children must learn to endure all external influences without misfortune. Therefore, a child cannot be over sheltered so it receives only pleasant sensations. They need to develop an awareness of things that can cause harm and disturbance.

Responses to the senses are developed early. Sacred objects should be among the first impressions an infant receives. Surround the child with icons and an oil lamp for the eyes, sacred hymns and prayers for hearing, and incense for smell. If the senses are not properly trained early they will become the source of temptations later on. Training the senses is also important for development of a healthy imagination. A child is naturally curious. Guide this by focusing their curiosity and exploration based on what is considered essential for a Christian life and avoiding all else. Anticipate that sinful passions will arise, and be prepared to deal with them so they will not become rooted and the source of bad habits. In all these efforts you will need the aid of the Holy Spirit.

Thinking capacity begins with the learning of words. This is when attitudes begin to be formed.  Be concerned that their attitudes are developed in line with Christian principles. In addition to a parent’s example, It is helpful to use stories to teach these principles. There are numerous orthodox children’s books available. Be sure to eliminate all books with corrupt concepts. 

A child has weak will-power and desires everything without discernment of what is good or bad for them. To develop control of will, require the child to do everything with the parents’ permission. Parents should also model good choices through their almsgiving, compassion, mercifulness, humility, and patience.

Also a child needs to develop proper feelings. A good approach for this is to have a church centered life. This will nurture a sympathy for things sacred, awe of the presence of God, a love of Christ, and pleasure in what has quietness and warmth. These can be found in the church. Bring them to services and receive Holy communion with them regularly. It’s important to participate in the sacraments with them so they learn that this something they are to do as they become adults. Teach them about the life and teaching of Christ. Try to avoid social media, TV, and streamed movies that encourage life based on sinful passions.

Lastly parents need to guide the development of conscience. A child must become aware of, and learn to listen for this inner voice. A parent needs to encourage a child to share the errors and teach them how to repent. All this requires a loving relationship between child and parent so the child can share without fear and freely say, “I did something wrong.” This love, however, is not one of satisfying any desire a child has. It involves having rules and discipline from the early ages.

If a parent follows this approach then the child will be best prepared with Christian values for the turbulent period of youth when the life of body is boiling at full steam.

St Theophan,

“the fruit of a good upbringing is the preservation of the grace of Holy Baptism.”

One who has the kind of upbringing describe above has a great fortune. He will be prepared to weather the youthful temptations, preserving this spirit as they enter into adulthood.

Reference: Path to Salvation, St Theophan the Recluse, chapter 2.